The Freak within ME

arghhhh ... recently i have been very ill , super ill due to INSOMNIA. Really cant sleep much during night time. For a very simple thing i can think for more than 3 hours, yet i still cant get myself a good solution for it. Maybe i am too nervous for the coming road show. Really , i put a lot of hope, effort plus believe in my work. What makes me scared is because i have too HIGH or we called it OVER ESTIMATION AND HOPE on the result part of my road show. Really, i seldom felt with this strange tense for almost one and a half year - my ex-girlfriend broke up with me and she left to Sydney, Australia. Now, this killer tension is coming right after me again.

What so wrong for being so nervous for something that i cherish very very much right now?? How to make myself felt relieve?? Lavender scent candle? Music Box ?? Mr Claude Debussy magic? And whats more that i havent try yet?? I have tried millions of way to make myself felt relax. But i really cant make it. Im way too nervous for my own business right now. I think this is really what the old folks always said :Only you yourself will feel the pain within, no one does.

Okay i m trying to relax all the time. And trying to pray for the best even that i will only get a better thing.

Hmm .. one more freaking mind is killing me is ---i fall in love with a lesbian. Oh my gosh, i knew she is a lesbian when i first saw her. Soft voice, fair skin, caring towards the other female, and eyes are killing you softly by telling you -- dont mess around with me as you wont get me at all.
Hmm .. at the beginning , jsut having a wild guess she is lesbo ; come back home think for twice , third and fourth. Is better ask her friend to get the best answer . Gossshhh , what her friend told me is , ya , she is playing one kind with the other . =____________________= arghhhhh.. what a world la !! How come this kinda thing will happen.Both supposed to have a better life ahead but instead both turned into homo-sexual. Luckily the target i aiming is taking the girl role, it should not be a problem to lead her back into the correct path.

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